savant’s guide to prioritizing mental health during the holidays.
🌹
Presents and cards are here. Our worlds get filled with ‘cheer’ in December due to the numerous holidays (and birthdays) that take place. From Hanukkah and Christmas to Kwanzaa (shoutout to the folx), we as a society are entrenched in the holiday spirit featuring bright lights, stockings, evergreen trees, presents, and hot chocolate (the spiked version for the real ones, of course). Granted, I acknowledge that not everyone subscribes to all of the above…but just take a drive/walk through your city and you are bound to see a collection of ‘holiday spirit’ items. The spirit is everywhere, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. There is also a societal expectation that every holiday season will mirror Whoville (before the Grinch shows up, por supuesto); a vibrant city atmosphere covered in snow and perfectly complemented by sepia-toned glows from fireside windows. Akin to the roots of those expectations…we are ‘supposed’ to be happy during the holidays because it is known as the season of cheer…but what about those of us who are battling existing mental health conditions? What about those of us who are stressed to the max and feel as if we could lose our sanity at moment’s notice? What about those of us who are doing our best to simply hang in there?
Just because society says it’s a season of joy and cheer, doesn’t mean the time period is without struggles.
You see, people always talk about ‘seasons greetings’ but rarely do we talk about more serious conditions like seasonal affective disorder or how stressful the holiday season can be for people. For those experiencing seasonal depression, the ‘winter blues’ can be really dark and unfortunately, the symptoms could be exacerbated by the pressures of the holiday season. In fact, seasonal depression is tricky because it can be caused by a simple shift of the biological clock or the overbearing presence of negative thoughts…which are both prevalent when the weather changes and the pressure of the holidays sets in. Long story short, the holiday season is not always sunshine and rainbows for everyone. Considering many of us deal with troublesome family dynamics and/or displaced family scenarios, the holidays can be more tough than it is beneficial. We always discuss the good, but rarely do we discuss the not-so-merry parts. Instead, we leave that part up to the numerous holiday movies that we confide in and watch every year because in some ways, the deflection is easier than facing our own issues. Think about it. Movies like Christmas with the Kranks, Home Alone, and This Christmas are chaotic classics that we watch every holiday season and they all feature high levels of stress, convoluted family dynamics, and existing mental health conditions tied to emotional fatigue. The difference between cinematic masterpieces like The Grinch and real life is: there is no script for us…and there’s no guarantee for a happy ending. For lack of a better way to put it, the stakes are higher for us because our world is not as forgiving as cinematic dramatizations afford.
Ultimately, there are two things that we must not lose sight of as we ice skate our way through the holiday break: existing mental health issues exacerbated by holidays (or, seasonal depression) and…well, family. First off, we must not forget our existing mental health roller coaster as we glide into the holiday season. Jingle bells and reindeer don’t exactly mean that our anxiety and depression subsides. In fact, our mental health can sometimes be negatively affected by the holiday season, especially when many of us are already hanging on by a thread…only to be bombarded with family, friends, events, and expectations of ‘happiness.’ That pressure alone is enough to drive us mad, so let’s remain cognizant of that and remain conscious of all of the work that we have done to get to this point. Keep pushing. Keep the mental exercises working. Keep on keepin on.
Next, let’s extend a little grace to our fellow folx when interacting. Be kind to people. Ask them how they are and really indulge to the degree that you provide undivided attention and lean in to the conversation. This time of year is difficult for everyone in some way, shape, or form so try to remember that as you are interacting in malls and airports. Additionally, divorce yourself from the commercialized holiday ideology of assuming that the only way to show love is to buy gifts for people. I would advise that you first consider the love language of the person on the receiving end. According to Dr. Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, the languages are: 1) receiving gifts, 2) quality time, 3) words of affirmation, 4) physical touch, and 5) acts of service. Take the time to learn your people and learn exactly what fills their cup. That way, you can forego buying that generic mug you planned to order from Etsy and could alternatively write a heartfelt letter to someone who values words of affirmation and/or acts of service over receiving gifts. That is just one example of the way we can be graceful this holiday season, while also maintaining our personal balance. See what works for our folx, take stock of what works for ourselves, and find the happy medium.
Okay. Now, let’s get to the nitty gritty and talk about family. If your family is anything like mine, you might find yourself hiding out in your car a few times during holiday gatherings just to catch your breath. This is not to say that we don’t love our family, but rather an acknowledgement that family can be a lot to handle sometimes. Everyone has those wacky outliers that make the collective difficult to navigate and it can get interesting when they have one too many spiked eggnogs. Here, remember that it is important to choose your battles wisely. There are some family altercations that require your attention but more times than not, you can sit back and let them figure it out. If it doesn’t directly concern you, leave it be. For the sake of your psychological fortitude, please…leave it be.
I understand that all of this sounds simple on paper, being that it is devoid of human agency and interactional specifics. As such, I will now offer a few practical steps to help you navigate these spaces and prioritize your psychological fortitude over everything else.
1) Protect your energy. Under no circumstances will it be helpful for you to compromise your mental stability by partaking in excessive holiday events. Don’t feel like you have to attend every event. Don’t feel like you have to talk to everyone at the function. Don’t feel like you have to be ‘on’ all the time. The constant pressure to be ‘on’ and present for everything can be a severe anxiety-inducing space for some, and an incredibly depressive space for others who don’t feel as if they are valued or seen. No need to partake in that activity. The holiday break is a time to decompress after long semesters (or quarters). Now is not the time to take on more stress, it’s a time to decrease stress and increase bandwidth. Keep that in mind and protect your energy, as that is the key to longevity and sustained enjoyment.
Also, don’t feel like you have to put up with nonsense that you don’t want to deal with. You are human. You are your own person. You decide what you put up with. If you are dealing with negative spaces or negative people, politely excuse yourself…and dip. Believe me, it works. Personally, my family knows that I don’t play that nonsense and they know that because I show no restraint in removing myself from their company. Be unapologetic about your balance and keep the Irish goodbye as the ace in your back pocket. If the situation is not ideal (or healthy), you can choose to not be a part of that and protect your energy by retiring to another space that is a bit more balanced and nurturing.
2) Stay centered. Don’t compromise your ongoing efforts to reach a healthy mental health state by partaking in activities that take you off course. Trust me, I am no stranger to mental health battles and the reality is, the journey is a slippery slope akin to those icy steps that make for painful (yet, hilarious) video compilations on YouTube. In congruence with that analogy, don’t just walk up/down those stairs without remembering to grab the railing and take it slow. Stay centered and use all of your resources (in this case, hella salt) to make sure that you don’t lose your footing because for those of us who have fought this battle (or, are currently fighting it), slipping on that ice can have you down and out for months to come. Instead of enduring that demoralizing fall, stick to your guns and stay centered. Keep journaling in your Heart Take journal. Keep using all of the exercises given to you by your therapist. Keep. The. Balance.
3) Remember, you can’t change anyone. Holiday spirit is cool and all, but people will still be who they are whether you are roasting chestnuts on an open fire or ice skating in the city park. They will be who they are, and we have to accept that. It is not our responsibility to change anyone, which includes: who they are, how they act, what they think, what they say, how they say it, allat. When attending family gatherings, try to keep the conversations light and enjoy the time afforded to spend with loved ones. Not everything has to be hyper-political or incredibly serious, so try to remember that. In the midst of a divided country arguing about _____ (<— insert legitimately any social, institutional, or systemic issue), it is more important that ever to remember that some people just won’t change and it is not our job to try to change them. Let them be and focus on what you can control…which in this case is how you respond and/or operate. When unsure of how to do so, start back at step 1…followed by step 2. Protect your energy, stay centered, and remember that it’s not your job to change anyone.
Lastly, beware of those family members that you know are going to ruffle your feathers. Take those folks in stride and do your best to not allow them to get you in a state uncharacteristic to who you are. There is solace in authentic understandings of people. For the people we have to deal with, carefully observe who they are and use that knowledge to move accordingly. If you have that problematic uncle that always says some offensive stuff, keep your cool and do your best to manage the situation without it exploding like an underwater mine. Remember that scene in the movie Finding Nemo when Bruce was overreacting and threw that sunken missile into the underwater mines? Yep. That wildfire is exactly what you can expect when you indulge irrational people. Instead, protect your energy, offer knowledge when possible, and maintain a keen awareness of the breaking point. Hit those people with a “I see" or my favorite “damn, that’s crazy” and keep it moving.
We all know the holiday season can be quite a roller-coaster. Be sure to not allow yourself to get wrapped up in the expectations. Set your own standard and remain focused on your psychological fortitude. This is a time of giving and spirit-filled activities, but don’t assume that you have to be ‘on’ all the time. Sometimes, you may need to regroup and as such, remember that your mental health and balance are of utmost importance.
Lastly, should you experience some tough times, try these quick moves to get yourself back on track:
Tell people you have to go to the bathroom…and pull up this article for a quick refresh. Hell, you might not even need this article, but just escape and chill in the bathroom for a moment to collect your composure before returning to the holiday madness.
Call your friends - More times than not, your friends are going through somewhat identical struggles during the holidays. That said, step outside and give them a call to vent about your frantic auntie instead of talking to your cousin about it (at the very least, your friend won’t snitch on you). Even if you don’t need to vent, it is always calming to talk to the people that we love by choice, and friends are oftentimes more of our immediate ‘family’ than the people that we share a bloodline with. Remember that and tap in with your friends when need be.
Step outside and just breathe - Sometimes, some good ol’ fashioned fresh air will do the trick. Allow yourself to step outside and just breathe for a second. Relax. Enjoy the weather and the surroundings. Serotonin also gets a boost from Vitamin D, which we receive from the sun…so get outside and soak up some sun. The rays will legitimately make you happier!
Ultimately, we must acknowledge that this time of year is equally beautiful and chaotic. As such, it is of utmost importance for us to maintain our personal balance and protect our psychological fortitude. As long as we can stay centered and balanced, the entire process is much more enjoyable for everyone because we are operating from a space of abundant psychological fortitude as opposed to a deficit. That is the difference between simply ‘enduring’ the holidays and truly enjoying them.
Happy Holidays, mi familia.🎄
Siempre,
Savant Lamont 🌹
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