…still i rise (part ii)

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

-Dr. Maya Angelou

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As discussed in the first half of this message, there is far too much at stake for us to flounder and allow life’s pressures to keep us down and out. Sure, it gets quite difficult sometimes and there are instances when you believe that all hope is lost…but you must continue to fight; continue to rise. Life will beat you down and keep you down permanently if you let it (shoutout Rocky), but if you take the hits…it gets better and the sun will shine again. As promised in the last chapter, let’s discuss the continued roller coater of life and the lessons that have been gifted along the way.

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Now that my people have been laid to rest, the torch is now mine to (happily) bear. I have been fortunate enough to have them visit me in my dreams and assure me that everything is going to be just fine going forward. I would encourage you to speak your thoughts to those who have gone on...out loud…in private. Who knows, you may just be fortunate enough to have them visit you and have a conversation full of guidance (i.e., the Disney movie Moana when Grandma visits Moana at sea at the time when she is just about to give up all hope).

Anyway, the day after my good brother Kristopher was laid to rest, the roller coaster of life sent me through a corkscrew and started to ascend before I was ready. Ironically, my other good brother Kris (yep, same spelling) was set to marry his best friend Olivia on July 3, 2020 and ya boy was at the best table in the house so I was not going to miss this event. As you can imagine, I was experiencing a flux of emotions during my travels and thankfully the open road provided ample space for me to reflect and make sense of the current state of affairs in my life. Here I was, leaving my city of St. Louis, Missouri in mourning, headed to Orlando, Florida to watch two of my very favorite people on the planet become unified in Holy Matrimony (I told you this was a roller coaster ride, but it gets better).

The weekend in Orlando was nothing short of amazing; exactly the recharge I needed for a number of reasons. I ventured to the wedding with my good brother Matthew on the day of the event. Sidebar: people typically invite us to events because they understand what we bring to the table (IYKYK). This event was no different, and we showed up in typical fashion: late as hell. We walked in with the wedding party at our heels and sat neatly in the back as the Florida humidity began to claim us all as its sweaty, black-tie victims. The ceremony was beautiful (as expected) and my guy Kris tried his best not to cry…but he lost it as soon as Olivia turned the corner. I have personally never been to a wedding where the groom did not cry, and I could not have been more proud of him than I was in that very moment. As the ceremony concluded, we proceeded to flock to the open bar and get the party started as the bridal party took their pictures on the golf course. It was a wonderful time to be alive; truly an event filled with love, laughs, and appreciation for heartbeats. I shed tears for Kris that night, as one gained wings and the other gained rings.

July 3, 2020 - Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. White! (and thanks for the open bar, por supuesto).

Weddings have a way of changing your perspective on things. First of all, the reception will remind you of how good of a dancer you are (or are not). Even though the overall point of the event is to celebrate love and joyful connections, it becomes quite apparent who can cut a little rug and who cannot. The best part? Weddings bring out the dancing fool in everyone, even your stoic uncle who seemingly never smiles at anything! So be sure to wear some comfortable shoes or be prepared to leave them at the table, because everyone dances and you will notice that there are dozens of smiles surrounding you at all times. Second, the event celebrates the joining of two separate lives into one union, which makes for an exuberant concoction of people and personalities that can be incredibly fulfilling if you open your heart to it. This may be the first time you meet some people, and it very well could also be the last time you ever see them…so why not fully embrace the celebratory spirit and go bananas with a smile on your face! After all, you will be living in moments that you will never get back...so truly live them (shoutout to the best man’s mom and pops. they’re the truth). Third, if there’s and open bar…don’t be shy, because everyone is thinking the same thing. That is all I will say on that topic… :)

Lastly, the most powerful part about weddings is the constant expression of love. It is incredibly moving to attend an event where two people are so deeply in love that they want to share the experience of matrimony with you. It runs much deeper when you pay close attention to their movements, to their words, to the cheeky smiles and looks that they share…not caring if you see them or not. Although I understand that not everyone writes their own vows, my favorite part is when spouses read the vows while looking each other straight in the eyes. In that incredibly intimate moment, everything stops…as if nothing else matters and the world is truly theirs. I tend to count the seconds in my head until I hear a voice crack, because that’s when you know it’s getting real. There is no judgement, just authentic expression of love and appreciation for the quirky parts of a person that makes them perfect to their spouse.

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Although not in the agape manner as the newlyweds, I fell in love again that day in a philia fashion. It took this event for me to really be able to celebrate the home-going of one Kris and celebrate the matrimony of another. I know for a fact that the spirit of Kristopher was within me as I did the cha-cha slide with the newlywed Kris & Olivia. I felt it…and I swear I heard his laugh when we all did the Charlie Brown (walk it out, now). Most importantly, I fell in love with the idea of philia love and the concept of lifelong partnership that night. Although I do not currently have a Savant Queen, my heart is more full than it has been in years passed. I recognize that this life is all about creating a magnificent circle of people who eat, sleep, breathe love and continue to make that known to you every single day of your life. By that, I do not mean this ‘performative’ love where people post funny pictures and cheer for you when you’re on top. I am actually talking about the people who hand you a tissue and sit with you all night long when you are down and out; the people who race to your house with your favorite food and drinks if they feel that you are not doing okay; the people who tell you “i love you” every time you hang up the phone, not that ‘love ya’ consolation; the people who tell you to take a break, or to be careful and text them when you get home safely; the people who give love as much as you give love, to the point where neither of you feel as if you are “taking.”

You have to place such an emphasis on giving love that it now works in a circle between you and radiates to those around you. When that becomes your norm, your people will never leave you…because they become part of you. Any time you feel love, you will feel their presence. Anytime you smile, you will see them. Anytime you laugh, you will hear their laugh. I won’t lie, it is a beautiful experience that can only be achieved when you allow yourself to fall in love with the little things in life; with the people who you currently share smiles with. Those people…are the people you should rise for. Through thick and thin, rise for each other, celebrate the victories (small and large) and treat every day like a small wedding. Share love. Look each other in the eye and be vividly honest. Your words do not have to exist as eloquent vows that are written on a small piece of paper, but you should make it a point to tell your people how much they mean to you…every day. It’s better that way, as this expression of love is always complimented by a good laugh when you recognize how many times your voice cracks. So, don’t let the newlyweds have all the fun. Tell your people how you feel about them when you get the chance (which may prove to be easier than expected if there’s an open bar nearby).

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Oh, and a special thank you to Kris (@itskriswhite) and Olivia (@its_oliviawhite) White. You have reminded me of what love looks like, and I am thankful to have been included in your public declaration of eternal love. Thank you, so incredibly much! I love you both, dearly.

Loosen up that tie, boa. Cheers to the BRIDE and GROOM!

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thank you for spending a few moments with me. i do value your time and thoughts, so please do not hesitate to send me a message @savantlamont and let me know what you think. i would love to hear from you!

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savant shelf selection: how to fall in love with anyone: a memoir… by mandy len catron

savant song selection: made to love you // gerald levert