the games we play.
In case you were born yesterday, allow me to first let you in on a little secret: people love playing games. As a sport professor, I am here to tell you that people love sport and games…sometimes more than they love their families, friends, or life itself. People will skip out on funerals, weddings, birthdays, and even the birth of their own child…for sports and games. To make matters more interesting, thousands of nerds (like your’s truly) have committed their life’s work to studying and understanding games that are played by humans. We could note those who specifically research Game Theory, or consider the researchers who investigate things like semantic differences between games and sports, psychological connections to sport objects, sociocultural perspectives related to sport, sport fandom, exercise science, and the analytical aspects of sport and consumer behavior (just to name a few). There are dozens of subsets related to this topic, but the point is: people love playing, watching, consuming, and analyzing games. In fact, games are so intertwined into the human experience that they probably predate any 'formalized’ historical records. Yes, I said it. The earliest of people on this planet played games all the time (imagine the Flinstone folx yellin ‘Kobe’ and shooting rocks into holes in the ground). In a contemporary sense, think about the ways in which we as humans play games in legitimately every social setting. You name the space, there is some sort of game that has been played in that area.
For the most part, games are usually a form of entertainment that can bring enjoyment to those who are playing (especially if we are on the winning side). Unfortunately, not all games are enjoyable. In fact, some can be very daunting and quite difficult to navigate due to their taxing nature on our mind, body, and soul…regardless of our positionality in the game. Some of the worst examples are the games we play with hearts and emotions (our own and those of others). These games…are the high-stakes medal rounds of play because only the ‘best of the best’ make it out without completely destroying their potential for happiness and based on forthright books like “The Game” by Neil Strauss, no one makes it out scott-free. The damage is double-sided and nobody really wins when the players stop and think about what is actually taking place. That book, “The Game,” is legitimately about the secret art of pickup artists. The author tells the stories of various people who live in a mansion together and attend/host seminars for pick-up tricks, tips, and strategies. I can’t make this up. If you don’t believe me, go buy it and see (or you can have my copy). Anyways, the book is incredibly profound for numerous reasons but one of which is the sad reality that people are willing to pay thousands (sometimes millions) of dollars to become experts at tricking people into liking them. Worse afoot are those who invest thousands of heartbeats into portraying such a polished image on social media in hopes that people will like them, their content, or what they have to say. Thousands of heartbeats is a far greater investment than money, primarily because there is nonrenewable emotion and pursuit of (external) validation attached to the investment of this time and attention. It’s all a game, a big silly game. Swiping left. Swiping right. Sliding in DM’s. Liking a wave of pictures or posts on social media to show romantic interest instead of approaching someone. Ignoring alerts and acting petty. It’s all a massive game. Many play. Many more get played. Most are playing themselves.
Admittedly, I am no saint. You have read enough of my words this far to know that I do not pretend to act like I am untouchable or without blame. Believe me…I have skeletons just like everyone else. I will say, I find matters of, as John Mayer puts it, ‘Heartbreak Warfare,” to be crippling; wack. Why, you might ask? Because I have been on both sides of that battle and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt: nobody wins. I have been the player…and I have been played. It’s ugly either way. One might believe that a particular side might feel better when in the moment, but once we take stock of what is actually happening in the game, we realize that this course of action is unhealthy for all involved. It really is. We are not just playing with inanimate sport objects, we are playing with human hearts, emotions, and souls; living, breathing beings who at the end of the day…just want to be loved and appreciated for who they are. We all desire that, so why do we play so many games about it? Why can’t we cut the nonsense and be real with each other? Well…because that space appears to be too dangerous for most of us to occupy. In order for us to be real, we would have to commit to being present and honest with one another. More directly, we would have to be vulnerable and expose our heart and soul…the good, the bad, and the ugly. We would have to be brave in putting ourselves out there and trust that the person on the receiving end won’t mistreat our most prized possession. That all sounds great, but I know what you’re thinking: easier said than done, right? Ideally, we want to keep it 100 all the time, but that’s not real in regard to societal expectations. No shot. To make matters worse, some of our reluctance ends up being justified when people do us dirty and as such, we retreat to our metaphorical turtle shell and protect our heart from any additional exposure to pain, suffrage, or discomfort. It’s simply to great a risk and after the heart has been broken so much, it can start to resemble a 10K piece puzzle without the box to guide reconstruction.
On the back end of this damage is the development of various shortcomings related to sustained (or lack thereof) happiness and satisfaction in relationships. Due to being hurt by hurt people, some of us develop trust issues, separation anxiety (or anxiety in general), depression, abandonment issues, commitment issues, or any of the plethora of unfortunate outcomes that exist in the rubble of a broken heart. Unbeknownst to the younger Savant, these issues can lead to (or stem from) a phobia called Gamophobia. In a nutshell, it is the fear of commitment. Although still being researched and developed, this phobia applies to people who have deeply-rooted fears of commitment, trust, intimacy, or anything that brushes to close to the heart. The terminology is helpful, while also recognizing that phobias are “an irrational fear of something that’s unlikely to cause harm. The word itself comes from the Greek word phobos, which means fear or horror.” Given our context, there is nothing ‘irrational’ about the fear of commitment or trust issues that could stem from broken hearts and empty promises…or is there?
Think about it. For many of us, our lack of commitment could be the result of front-row seating to unhealthy relationships and tumultuous outcomes in our social circles. Sadly, we may have been the star witness to heinous crimes against beating hearts that we love and as such, we try to protect our hearts at all cost in order to ensure that we don’t experience the same heartache. It’s real, I assure you. I am a living, breathing example of this. It took me gaining (and losing) everything in order to notice that part of the problem was rooted in my fear of reinventing the wheels of destruction that I have watched since I was a child. It wasn’t all ugly, but it damn sure wasn’t all pretty at times. Anyways, the fear of suffering the same outcome is ‘warranted’ to some degree, while also being quasi-irrational when we really break it down. Consider this:
Just because people of the past have failed in relationships…doesn’t mean we will.
Just because people of the past have hurt us, played us, and kicked us while we were down…doesn’t mean everyone will.
Just because people of the past have broken our will to live…doesn’t mean everyone has the same intentions.
🌹
…some people are there to love, to nurture, and to help us put the pieces back together
…but we have to be brave and give them a chance to do so.
Imagine what this life would be like if we stopped playing games and just kept it real with each other. Although it sounds like an impossible battle, we must remember that in regard to our lives and some of our social circles, we have the freedom to create the world that we wish to occupy. As such, we have the conscious freedom to lead with love, honesty, and grace. We have the opportunity of a lifetime to be the lifeline for humanity. We have the chance to let love have the first and last word, as well as every word in-between. It is our’s for the taking…and the time is now. For the sake of the heart beating in our chest, we must be better. For the sake of the younger generation of people who look up to us, we must be better. For the sake of our own sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, and mentees, we must be better. People play games all the time, but we can draw the line at the heart and set the standard of care going forward. We have the power to do so, it is now just a matter of bravery to live earnestly and let love do its thing. What do you say? Are you with me?
I will close with a monologue from the song ‘Seasons’ by 6lack. Enjoy. 🌹
Miscommunication leads to complication and...
Here we are standing at each other as strangers, sleeping in the same bed
'Cause it's like you were never taught…how to use your words like that
You were never taught how to say loving things…& caring things
You were just taught how to say what had to be said
So, I want the words you don't have…and I'm still trying to figure out what you feel
Just think about it, like, what might this life be like if we put our parts to the side and
Let love lead the way
Siempre,
Savant 🌹
thank you for spending a few moments with me. i do value your time and thoughts, so please do not hesitate to send me a message @savantlamont and let me know what you think. i would love to hear from you!